March 4th was quite a day for us. If you'll remember, that was the day that Avery was tested for leukemia (click here to read that post). At the time, we couldn't share that it was also a day of roller coasters of highs and lows from the absolute worst case scenarios to some of the best. You see, that was the day that we also found out we were expecting our second baby.
I had a suspicion that I was pregnant for several days but kept putting it out of my mind because I didn't think it was possible. With Avery, we tried to get pregnant for about 1.5 years coupled with fertility drugs. This time around, we had been trying for about 7 or 8 months and at the point of calling the doctor for advice as she told us not to wait as long this time before doing so. With Avery's appointment coming up, I decided to wait a few more days before calling my doctor. The morning of Avery's appointment we decided that we should probably go ahead and take a test even though we knew it would be negative. However, after going to Avery's doctor and hearing those terrible words of what might come, I couldn't bring myself to take that test even though I knew deep down inside that I was indeed pregnant.
(I apologize for the bluntness of these next thoughts, but it was exactly what was going through my mind at the time. Aaron refused to allow me to utter such words though he understood and knew what I thinking.)
If Avery did in fact have leukemia, how in the world could I possibly handle a pregnancy and new baby at the same time? Avery would need me more than ever. She would need me to be strong and advocate on her behalf. If the worst case scenario unfolded, how could I bury my baby girl and give birth to a new life within such a short time of each other? How could I give this new baby all the attention and love it would need while mourning over my other? I know all of this sounds horribly morbid, but I'm guessing that some of these thoughts would cross your mind too if put in the same position. I'm just taking the risk of putting it all out there.
Thankfully, we were not put in this position. God had a different plan, of which I am so grateful. When we received the phone call from the nurse that Avery's tests had come back normal, we of course were ecstatic. We knew that we'd be disappointed if our pregnancy test came back negative, but it couldn't bring us down from our high of Avery's good news. So we went for it. And within 10 minutes of that phone call, we had more good news! We were pregnant! What an absolute roller coaster. I was so emotionally tired at the end of that day. Because I've had a miscarriage before, I did have to go in and have blood work to check my numbers. The results came back and showed that my hCG count was fine but that my progesterone was low.
For the first trimester I had to be on progesterone with certain restrictions like no lifting or exercising. Exercising? Sure, no problem. But no lifting over 10 pounds? Hmmm....how does that work when you have a 23 lb. toddler? It doesn't, but we did our best. A bonus of being on the medicine meant that I had to have ultrasounds every other week for the first trimester. No complaints here!
This baby is due on November 12th and we are so excited!
1 comment:
Wow Lindsay! What a day. I can't imagine what thoughts would have been going through my head if I were in your same situation. Thank you for being real about it and being willing to share. Just reading your story makes you realize what a magnificent God we have and how much we have to be thankful for. May He continue to bless you during your pregnancy and your transition to a family of 4.
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