Back to it

Where the last 12 weeks have gone, I don't know.  What I do know is that I dropped off not just one of my babies, but two, at the sitter's house today.  And then I cried the entire way to work.  Mommy Guilt is such a powerful thing and can really mess with one's head!  I knew it was coming and had done my best to prep my emotions, but I don't think any amount of prepping can really prepare a mother for the roller coaster of emotions she experiences when returning to work.  Granted, I had a better idea of what to expect since I had already done this once with Avery, but still, not one that I welcomed.  I admit that occasionally it's a relief to be able to put the girls in someone else's care for a few hours and have an adult conversation, put on work clothes, and be on my own schedule.  But more times than not, I want to be with them.  I need to be with them.


I am a "working mom",  as society has labeled it, and that's ok.  Do I have a guilt that I carry with me because I am not able to be with my girls 24/7?  Yes.  At the same time though, I feel a huge sense of accomplishment because somehow I am able to balance family, work, and life.  This situation has taught me to not take for granted the time that I do get to spend with my girls and make the most of each day, setting a good example for them.  I won't lie and admit that it's easy because it's not.  For me, at least.  Each mother is wired completely different and that's a good thing.  Would I change this entire situation if I could?  Yes, I do believe I would.  But for now, for today, this is the life that God has blessed me with and I am grateful for it.